On Drinking From Your Own Well

Steven Lawson is the latest in the seemingly constant parade of

Christian leaders to fall to sexual temptation.

It is utter folly for any man to consider himself above sexual temptation. (1 Cor. 10:12) Every Christian must have in his bones that it is the grace of God that frees us from the bondage of sin, and the darkness of our own hearts that keeps calling us back into the cage (Rom. 6). So we- I- start with the acknowledgement that if I make it- if I am a faithful and Godly husband “until death do us part-“ the glory belongs to Jesus Christ.

Because this is true, the essential first step in defeating sexual temptation is to be a man who is soaked in prayer and the Word. Daily and deeply and desperately.

Building on that essential foundation, here are a few practical thoughts:

1. For severe temptations, and certainly when temptation is succumbed to, the response must be severe and immediate. (Matt. 18:9, Gen. 39, 2 Tim. 2:22)

Some examples… and I’m happy to hear other suggestions on how to respond to such situations in the comments.

If that lady at work texts you something naughty, you immediately call your pastor and tell him, and you respond to that lady on a text thread with your wife on it that you don’t appreciate her advances, any further communication will be on the group thread, and any more conduct like that will get her number blocked.

If the neighbor lady comes out in a stunning dress and invites you into her house late one night when you know full well that her husband is out of town, say “I’d love to bring my wife over and join you for dinner, if that’s what you’re asking. This is her right here on speakerphone, by the way, would you like her to prepare anything to contribute to the meal?”

If the single mom at church comes to you for counsel, there’s nothing you need to hear that your wife can’t hear too, and if that offends her then that proves that she is the kind of woman you should not be alone with.

If that inappropriate advertisement comes up on your screen, you close out of it immediately, and you mention it to your wife or accountability partner just for the habit of keeping open communication.

And if you click the link and you spend half an hour looking at things that you know you shouldn’t, then take that computer into the front yard and beat it to death with a baseball bat.

Which is worth more? Your soul, or a 2022 Dell laptop?

2. Set up wise boundaries. Nobody can give you a checklist on this because the Bible doesn’t give us a checklist. But that doesn’t mean that wisdom doesn’t lead to making practical applications. There’s usually no reason for a married person to be spending concentrated alone time with someone of the opposite sex that they aren’t either related to or married to.

The Mike Pence rule- no one-on-one meetings with someone of the opposite sex- is a great idea, and it can apply to text messages and social media messengers as well. One text message could do just as much damage as 30 lunches.

Your spouse should know all passwords to all devices. Computer screens should face in such a way that they are visible to others in the room. (Pr. 27:12)

3. On a spiritual level, we have to fight the battle of the heart and mind. (Matt. 5:28)

If you are an overthinker like me, the temptation is to try to fight this battle in a constant state of repentance and sorrow and regret over the temptations. Playing guilt games, in other words.

But if you are in Christ, your sin has been forgiven and defeated. Jesus loves you. Replace the guilt with gratitude. Stop empowering the sin by meditating on it. Sure, give it a hard look in the face and recognize that the result of that path is misery (Pr. 7). But then turn around and rejoice in the wife of your youth (Pr. 5, Song).

Like seriously. Go enjoy the woman. Make her laugh. Put on your favorite song and dance her around the kitchen. Put the kids to bed early and spend some relaxed time in the bedroom. It’s hard to tempt someone with junk food when they just left a feast.

For a man to cheat on his wife is base treachery, and the treachery is especially twisted because the temptations to look elsewhere often arise specifically because the wife has given herself to her husband, and her body has been changed in the process- she’s not the young virgin daughter anymore.

What a reproach it would be for a man to turn against the one who gave him her maidenhood because she no longer looks like a maiden- to reject the woman who bears the marks of labor, when she earned those marks laboring by his side.

We must see the beauty in the fertile field, not wish for a rose in a glass case.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord… she shall be praised.

So if you have one of those, go, drink deep from your own well, hold her close, and give thanks.