The Ladies' Man

Never thought I’d have to argue against polygamy, but here we are.

1. There is not a single positive example of polygamy in the Bible- but there are many negative ones. Scripture doesn’t have to cite problems for them to be obvious in the narrative. Scripture also never explicitly condemns Lot for offering his daughters to a raging mob. Still was clearly not the right thing to do.

2. Kings were commanded by God not to multiply wives. (Deut. 17:17)

The polygamist will say “but God said He gave wives to David!” (2 Sam. 12:8)

Correct, which makes more sense as a statement of fact as part of a rebuke regarding Bathsheba (“really David? I gave you a whole harem and you still went and stole Uriah’s wife?”) than it does as an endorsement of the same wife-multiplication that God condemned in Deuteronomy.

3. Elders are not allowed to have more than one wife. (1 Tim. 3:2)

The polygamist will say “that just means a wife- it’s not a limitation.”

The word for “one” is used repeatedly throughout the New Testament to mean “one”, often in juxtaposition to others or to a plurality (Matt. 5:18, 5:29, 5:36, 5:31). The polygamist has to assume here that Paul is not restricting the elders to one wife – that he actually just meant he should be married and have kids. But if that’s what he meant, he could have said that.

Furthermore, you have to assume that this was a minimum requirement, and not a maximum requirement. But if it was a minimum requirement, then many of the apostles did not meet this standard as far as we can tell from Scripture. Paul certainly didn’t, and his exhortations about singleness in 1 Cor. 7 would apparently also be a statement that he wished that all men were disqualified from eldership even as he himself was.

4. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. How many brides does Christ have? (Eph. 5)

5. The fact that heroes of the faith did things does not inherently mean that everything that they did was good. David had many wives. He also stole Uriah‘s wife and then had him murdered. David is a man after God’s own heart – a hero of the faith. We love and admire and imitate him in many ways. But just because he did a thing is not a sufficient argument for that thing being right.

6. Jesus specifically said that Moses permitted something only because of the hardness of the peoples’ hearts (Matt. 19:8). There are plenty of sins that you can technically get away with under the OT civil law – for instance, hating your brother- which are still a violation of how God calls us to be, and Jesus made that clear in Matthew chapter 5. There is a category of things permitted (not commanded or endorsed) by the OT that are still not positive goods.

This is also a different category morally from something like homosexuality. A homosexual relationship must be repented of and terminated immediately. A polygamous relationship, once already established, entails marital duties that remain incumbent on both parties, and specifically on the husband. (Ex. 21:10)

But this doesn’t mean it’s OK to do in the first place- just that God set up protections for women, because God takes care of women.

7. If the polygabros say “God said Abimelech took Sarah in the integrity of his heart, so God is saying He approved of the polygamy,” remind them that the point of the statement they are quoting from (Gen. 20:6) is clearly that God acknowledged that Abimelech had not intended to steal another man’s wife. It’s weak tea to say that God was also holding up Abimelech as a model for all to follow.

8. Scripture never commands or models polygamy as a positive good. However, it is full of references to the “wife of your youth.” Interestingly, it is never to the “wives of your youth.” The exhortations are to be faithful to her and delight in her, not enjoy her for a bit and then find another hot babe to add to your collection. Monogamy is clearly the pattern and goal. (Pr. 5, Mal. 2:14)

9. Having a wife collection is antithetical to treating one’s wife as a fellow heir to the grace of life. (1 Pet. 3) If they are collectibles, they ain’t fellow heirs.

10. Biblical marital love is exclusive, and the book of Song of Solomon makes that clear: Song 1:8, 6:3, 7:10. She is the most beautiful of all women. She is his and he is hers. Polygamy destroys all of this.

Also, see Paul acknowledging authority over each spouse over the other’s body (1 Cor. 7). Gonna be hard when there are five ladies that are all feeling rather romantic on the same evening- not to mention, most women I know would use their authority over their husband’s body to keep him away from other women. And so they should.

11. The consistent phraseology of Scripture is that “two become one.” All throughout the text. The polygamist has to argue “yeah, but he can be one with a bunch of different women.” Is that what an honest reading of “two shall be come one” would lead us to?

12. There is zero polygamy practiced or advocated or defended by heroes of the NT.

13. If the advocate of polygamy brings up that God has two wives in His prophetic denunciation of Israel and Judah in Ezekiel 23, note that these two wives were also sisters- and marrying sisters is explicitly against OT law (Lev. 18:18). Or… maybe… follow me closely here… it was an allegorical story to make a point, and not a recommended family structure.

The polygamist can certainly make the argument for polygamy, as one can make it for many other evils, if one works the Text hard enough. I would just encourage the polygamist to consider that it might be a conclusion that he is reaching because of the hardness of his own heart.

Also, to the single guys arguing for polygamy, there is no way that you can fulfill the full duties of a husband to more than one woman. Husbanding is rewarding work, but it is a full-time job.

Mandrakes anybody?